Weird one ...

I know.  But this is what's on my mind tonight.

Tomorrow we leave for Peru.  Going out of the country always leaves me a little anxious, overwhelmed, a little too keenly aware of mortality, and just a little contemplative.  I realized tonight that my pre-travel routine involves the normal packing, trips to the store and bank, obsessively printing emails with info and running lists in my head.  But, then it also involves an evening before dinner with Gavin.  Perhaps that's because he's the closest thing to family for me here.  Or just because that's what we do and we won't see each other for 1-2 weeks. 

SO, tonight was our pre-trip dinner.  I'll spare you the process ... if you've had the "pleasure" of dinner out with Gavin and me ... you know what I mean!  One would think that I might get my choice of a last American dinner ... but it seldom happens that way.  My last meal would ALWAYS be Mexican ... and my FIRST meal back ... ALWAYS Mexican!!  :0)  Maybe I can get a taco for breakfast before the airport tomorrow!  :0)  I didn't get Mexican!!!

We talked about nothing serious ... my packing, his fishing trip, his Dad's crazy rash we've been trying to diagnose.  We got ice cream and sat on the tailgate.  And then we ended up here ...

I know, huh ... not THIS cemetary ... but the Bay Creek Church Cemetary where we wandered around reading markers and wondering about the times and happenings and reading odd notations (you would be surprised how many actually noted on their tombstone how long they had been a faithful member of the Baptist church).  It was like taking a trip back in time ... we could see farmland and a quaint little white church ... and a little bit of sunset in an overcast sky.  And it was peaceful and unexpected.

But then as I drove home to resume the packing, obsessing, answering of the emails, texts, and questions that are still rolling in ... I was thinking again about the trip.  I really do fine once we are all safely where we are going ... but like I said yesterday, the travel part of it stresses me out ... and makes me a little anxious (I guess the unknown??) and leaves me a little melancholy ... kind of the kind of feelings I get when I drive out of my parents' driveway coming back "home" to GA, just that feeling that you don't want to leave things unsaid or undone.  You're just a little too aware of life and its brevity.  Just a little more on edge than normal.  Out of the comfort zone and into the unknown. 

I know ... it was a strangely good night ... praying for the deep abiding kind of trust that lets me leave it all in HIS hands.