Managing vs. Owning ...

So, apparently this is turning into a weekly blog.  I am not sure where all the mojo I had going last winter is ... but I am desperately needing it to reappear.  There have been lots of things I've aspired to write about, but by the time I sat down to do it, I was too tired for cohearant sentences.  I will spare you the "it's gonna get better" speech cause well, I am losing hope of that.

SOOOO, the end of September ... my word, what a full, long month.  And I am now in the midst of a new Priscilla Shirer study (WOOHOO!) on Jonah.  Yesterday we were considering how it's not truly Jonah, but God who has the title role in this account.  It's not the brodding prophet or even the big fish that matter here ... although those are the two we draw in the pictures ... it's really the kindness of God toward a rebellious people.  We talked about that in Gathering tonight.  One of our students, Collin, spoke ... man, I wish I could say things as well and as profoundly as he does.  He did a great job reminding us that it's NOT about us.  He read through Paul's pedigree in Romans 3, listed his own pedigree ... and then looked at that of Jesus.  Yeh, no comparison.  Seems sad the things we list that we think grant us our worth (even in ministry) when all God sees in Jesus when He looks at us anyways.

But back to Jonah ... Jonah happily accepted his call to be a prophet when it meant he was where HE wanted to be with the people HE wanted to be with.  Change that path ... and He wants to "roll again" ... I would never do that ... yeh, right ...

Jonah did what I've done so many times ... he took "ownership" of that which he was meant to manage.  God didn't change what He had called Jonah to do ... He just changed the venue and Jonah was ready to opt out.  SOO, he started trying to take control, manipulate the situation to bring it back where he wanted it to be.

It struck me as I sat thinking in Gathering tonight that that's exactly what I was doing.  I was playing the "what if" game in my head ... wondering where I'd be in five years, or when I turn 60 (lots of talk of retirement around GBC lately) ... and I back tracked trying to figure out what I should be doing noe because of what MIGHT happen in 15 or 20 years ... yikes.  I was starting to try to take ownership or something I was simply asked to manage. 

I have no profound insights into any of the questions brooding in my head tonight.  But I do know I would rather be a steward of what God gives than to claim ownership of that which I've claimed.  Some days it's hard, though, to hold MY plans loosely and let Him have the freedom to shape and mold me to His liking and His will.  Gonna try to loosen the death hold I tend to get on things ... and go to bed.  It's been a good, long day.