pick ME!

I still remember my best friend in junior high - we were inseparable ... and we were in PE together (that class is straight from the devil, I tell you!) ... and we were playing ping pong.  I am not athletic.  I am not coordinated.  And I avoid opportunties to prove this at all costs.  Volleyball nights in youth group = no bueno.

Well, it came time to pick partners and I just assumed Lisa and I would partner, even if I was bad.  I mean, it's not like our grade of graduation was hanging on it.  But ... she didn't.  And almost 30 years later, I remember that moment.  She picked someone better than me.

I've struggled with that feeling all my life, it seems, the thought that there is always someone better than me and that I am just never enough.

And truth is, there is always gonna be someone better than me.

That probably drove my perfectionism ... and that quest to be valedictorian ... unfortunately, it has not spilled over into my running!  or maybe it has, I know I will never be best, so I just run distances that not just anyone would choose to do!

Today I was browsing my blog reader and came across an entry by Emily Freeman where she talks about being picked.  I think there is no better feeling, by the way.  Being someone's favorite.  Being complimented for a job well done.  Being asked to do something as an honor (not a duty!).  Being someone's someone.

Maybe it's being 43 and single ... but I feel like most days, I am the kid awkwardly standing on the side of the field as teams are divyed up ... waiting for someone to call my name ... praying I won't be last.

Wondering when it will be my turn.

I know, I know.  God picks me!  blah ... blah ... He did.  And I am grateful, really I am ... but he also picked the homecoming queen, the mother, the teacher of the year, the awesome college minister ... He picked them, too! 

Emily quotes a talk from Seth Grodin who said ...

Pick yourself.

She goes on to say ...

It’s an important message to me. Because even though I know as a believer that my identity is solid in Christ, if I don’t decide to believe it for myself then it won’t impact the way I love, the way I live, or the way I work.

 

Ahhhhhh ... YES!  I get my identity in Christ as well.  I understand God is not choosing whether or not to pick me.

 

But, I'm trying to learn that I DO have to pick myself.  Believe I am not the bottom of the heap.  Believe that I have something to offer.  Believe I am worth loving.  Believe in me and my value.

 

I heard one of my big old boys comment yesterday, "Yeh, dude, I just checked in.  I didn't want to miss this class.  Miss Shu is my favorite!"  Such a far cry from how beat up I felt last semester ... being "picked" feels so good.

 

But, it needs to start with picking myself, too!  I will be a happier person, more confident, more at peace if I stop letting someone else's value judgment determine my worth!  Harder to live than to say!