That Love/Hate relationship

I've got a love/hate relationship with running!!  Ummmmm, I HATE it ... I've been running off and on for the last several years, thinking that some day something's gonna give and I will just LOVE it!  I LOVE to say that I run (if that's really, honestly what you can call that slow movement I do!).  I LOVE reading about running - just ordered Once A Runner (on a recommendation from a friend).  I even get the Women's Running magazine.  I own a Jeff Galloway book (running guru for those of you not obsessed with running).  I like running clothes.  I own a treadmill.  I have "run" a marathon, several 5Ks, and two halfs.  But I do NOT love running. 

Had dinner with a friend tonight and the conversation went something like this.

"Wait.  Marathon??  You are running another race?"

"yeh"

"But you don't even like running."

"yeh"

"I don't think I would want to run a marathon and if I did it would just be ONCE to say I'd done it."

"yeh.  This is it for me."

"Hmmm, you say that now, but in six months, I bet you've signed up for another."

"yeh"

:-)

Then, with my sweet, loyal, crazy friend that I convinced to run that last marathon with me.

"I couldn't do it again.  I would die!"

"yep, I'm gonna die.  Remember that part where I kept telling you it was all mind over matter.  Well, I sure hope that's true.  Cause I'm gonna die!"

So, why in the world am I running another marathon on Sunday, you ask.  Good question.  I've been thinking lots about that lately.

Easy answer.  "because I've lost my everloving mind!"

Realistic answer.  "because some of my BCM girls wanted to do it (I talked A LOT about my last Disney marathon experience!).  The half marathon was already closed.  And we are using it as an opportunity to raise money and awareness of summer missions by getting people to sponsor us $1/mile or $26.20. "  (note to self: maybe I should just donate the $26.20 to summer missions!)

The bigger picture.  I need goals!!!  Two years ago I registered for the Disney marathon because a friend convinced me that all levels of athletes would participate.  I wanted to get back into a routine of running or exercising.  It's something I can do at home on my schedule.  I can run inside or outside.  I'm not very athletic.  It seemed cool that I might do something in the sports arena that other people wouldn't do.  So, I signed up to give myself a goal ... a reason to run.  I downloaded the training schedule, put it on my calendar and got to it.  I trained for 6 months.  I wasn't good and I wasn't fast, but I felt "ready" ... and with my trusty sidekick, Laura by my side, I was excited!  And we did it!  It was exciting (can't say it was all fun, but it had fun moments) and we accomplished something we were really proud of!  Plus, we got a cool medal ... and then we collapsed in a heap on her couch and walked around like old people for three days ... and never aspired to run again!

Enter the need to stay in shape ... signed up for a 1/2 marathon last year.  MUCH better, much more fun.  Workouts weren't so bad, race was much better.  Still felt human after it was over.  Still slow!

Found a 1/2 in Atlanta my 40th birthday weekend.  Seemed a good goal.  Almost killed me.  I'll skip all the reasons why .... it wasn't pretty, but I finished, thanks to Gini slowing down and staying with me, pulling me along.

So, are you tired of the running?  Me, too!  Got home and ran my 3 miles tonight ... not fast, not pretty ... but done.  Trying to keep in mind my goal is to run three miles four times a week and work at getting stronger, faster, better ... and maybe somewhere along the way to learn to love it! I LOVE it when I'm done.  I LOVE afternoons when I can run outside with the ipod and just pray and sing and think.  I LOVE running out the frustrations of the day.  But, it's just hard.  I can't breathe. I'm slow.  It takes time. It makes me tired.  Then there's the whole, gotta take another shower if you go back out ... yada, yada, yada

I read a quote that has stuck with me and I think sums up well why I "run" ...

I run to give myself practice at not giving up!

I think that might be what the writer of Hebrews meant when he said,

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.    Hebrews 12:1-2

Life is a race that often we run to give ourselves practice at not giving up ...  fixing our eyes on Jesus so that we will not grow weary and lose heart.  Some days are tougher than any run I've ever done and it would just be easier to give it up, walk away, lose heart.  But we aren't alone in that run ... there's a Gini and a Laura and a Jesus by our side reminding us that we can do it.  Helping us run that next leg.  Pushing us to see the finish and to hear "well done ..."

So, I would like to one day LOVE running.  But even if I don't, I'll keep doing it to keep giving myself practice at not giving up!

Disney Marathon, 2011 anyone????