What was I thinking?

Ok, so here's the downside to yesterday's entry.  Does it ever happen to you?  You psych yourself up that something's gonna be easy or awesome or even ok ... and then you wake up the next day and wonder "What was I thinking?"  Yesterday I was feeling pretty good about the adventure of skipping along with God, not knowing what's up ahead, believing that putting my hand in His truly IS better than knowing the plan.  Today I wonder, "Really?"  Cause as much as I want to be the adventurer and as much as I can live in the delivery room grace when it comes, I really like to know the plan.

For instance, I know that today I needed to get up by 9 am if I was going to chill on the couch for a while, get in a 3 mile run, eat lunch and get ready for a wedding and leave by noon.  Then there's the wedding and a birthday party.  And then I hope my day ends up with a good movie, warm blanket, and a fire.  YEPPERS, doesn't look a lot like a girl who nonchalantly will just hang on for the ride, does it??  And, by the way, I'd also like to know when we are leaving for Orlando on Friday, if I really can go the 26 miles without dying, how I'll manage the drive back that afternoon, what my life will look like this year, how this semester will go ... and on and on and on.  Inquiring minds, you know!

SOOOOO, I journeyed with the Israelites a bit this morning.  We're up to the place where God appeared at Sinai.  Now, I'm sure those were some folks with some questions!  Did you know they were less than 30 days' hike from the Promised Land when they left Egypt?  No doubt they bucked up and thought, "We can do this ... getting closer every day ..." and then, FAIL!!  Each day past that first 30 days, don't you figure they wondered what was next and how long this would last??  True, God was leading them, there couldn't be a legit question that maybe they just weren't following.  I mean, a cloud and a fire.  Pretty obvious.  Then there was the manna that they complained about.  Now, He's appearing on Mt Sinai in a HUGE fire that shook a whole mountain.  And, still, I'll admit it, even if I put out the big "I'm gonna follow God" bravado, secretly I'd be wondering just what I was in for.

So, gonna be honest, today I woke up wondering JUST what I am in for!  Definitely IN for walking along with God.  But definitely WONDERING ... then I flipped over to read Oswald's thoughts for today.  And you know what, He was wondering (well, ok, maybe not, but at least he was talking about it ...) the same thing!

Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you.

God does not tell you what He is going to do— He reveals to you who He is.

- Oswald Chambers

Over and over and over in this journey with the Isrealites we've been here.  God is sooooo much less concerned with the destination and when we get "there" than He is with who we come to be and what we come to know of Him.  I know, I know, I know.  That's His M.O.  Dangit! 

In the end, I KNOW that knowing Him, of being able to trust in His character, of remembering His deeds, of having a broader view of His character, I KNOW those things will serve me in the longterm, much better than knowing what this year will bring.  It's kind of like the whole running thing ... man, I wish I could run once and be good and be fit and then be done.  It's HARD to motivate myself to get up and get out there.  It's taken me an hour this morning to really psych myself into going there ... but it's doing it day after day, year after year that changes me.  Same thing with my walk with God.  Will I choose to slip my hand in His today and go wherever "there" is?  And then will I do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next day? 

Over and over people have gone to where they don't know.  Abraham did.  Moses did.  Like I said yesterday, pretty sure if we knew what it'd take to get "there" we might be a little less brave.  Guess that's why God's plan is better!

So for today, THIS is the day the Lord has made.   I will REJOICE, be GLAD in it ... and settle at His side and wait to see where He goes!