We must trust God. We must trust not only that he does what is best but knows what is ahead. Ponder these words of Isaiah 57:1-2 "The good men perish: the ungodly die before their time and no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to realize that God is taking them away from the evil days ahead. For the godly who die shall rest in peace" (TLB).
My, what a thought. God is taking them away from the evil days ahead. Could death be God's grace? Could the funeral wreath be God's safety ring? Why does an eight-year old die of cancer? Why is a young mother taken from her children? As horrible as the grave may be, could it be God's protection from the future?
Trust in God, Jesus urges, and trust in me.
(Max Lucado, When God Whispers Your Name)
Death has been a hard part of life these last few weeks. This week it was my cousin, Toni. She just celebrated her 42nd birthday ... and she took her own life Friday. While her family and friends thought she was headed to Kansas City via Springfield for a job interview, she instead, hastily wrote a note on a napkin and took her own life instead.
Toni was a beloved daughter, sister, friend, aunt ... who was plagued by depression and alcohol addiction. And it changed her. I didn't see Toni often once we "grew up" ... so I didn't really see the damage it did in her life. Here sister, brothers, mother and father, however, gave testimony to the devastating ways it had changed a gregarious, loving girl in to a mean, belligerant person they didn't always recognize. I saw Toni just a few weeks ago at Granddad's funeral and saw the funny, sweet cousin I had known. I'm thankful for that memory today .... and all the many memories we shared of summers in Cassville and Christmases at Grandmother Crum's. Ironically, it was as a few of us gathered at Granddad's funeral that Toni wished we could have a cousin reunion (we'd not been together in 15+ years) ... and now, it is her death that brought all but two of us home, together, to celebrate her life and tell her goodbye.
I will probably never understand, completely, the effects of depression and mental illness, the control of addictions, or the ways of God. But I DO firmly believe the truth that death is often God's protection from the future ... for Toni, protection from increasing hopelessness and desperation ... for her family protection from being fearful of her reactions and choices ... and while we are sad that she chose to take her own life and even more sad that she felt desperate enough to make the choice, we also know we will see her again ... this time whole and at peace.
So tonight I am thankful for the laughs we've shared of the memories of living life together as family. I am grateful that her sister's heartwrenching sobs at the memorial were replaced with sweet laughs at even sweeter memories, I am thankful that Toni DID bring us all back together. I am grateful for the lessons Toni's life and death have taught me ... and I am looking at today's funeral wreath as God's safety ring ...
We're gonna miss you, Toni Leanne Ellis ...
No comments:
Post a Comment