Stuff I'm learning ...

Life has been a little intense lately ... and I've been busy living it more than processing or writing about it.  But I learned a lot when Granddad died ... and am learning more through Toni's death and this perpetual move.  Nothing earthshattering or new.  Not even really anything spiritual.  Maybe it's being Southern.  Maybe it's growing up Baptist.  Maybe it's being my mother's daughter ... or her being HER mother's daughter ... but I've been struck with what people DO and do NOT do in caring for people.

1. Don't wait for perfect or plan A.  Just do SOMETHING.  anything.  now.
The night Granddad died, my mom's Sunday School teacher showed up with a simple bouquet of flowers from Wal-Mart.  Later someone else brought in storebought muffins and fruit for breakfast.  And then the infamous potato salad and pound cake drop off (ha!  we laughed all week about how those really didn't go together!).  Didn't take coordination.  Didn't require cooking.  Just coming when you were needed ... and bringing something that would be of help.

When the police were called to Aunt Sharon and Uncle Dave's, their sweet young neighbors opened up their home.  They moved their little family to the back of the house to offer quiet and privacy at such a tragic time, unobtrusively bringing water or fruit to family who were gathering there and getting them away from all that was happening next door.

I have long been a fan of the Shamgar principal (check out his Bible reference in Judges) .... Do what you can, where you are, with what you have.  We are all capable of doing that.

2. There's nothing too far out of the box.
Two of Mom's friends cleaned Granddad's house before Billy got home ... they even swept the carport, cleaned baseboards, and stocked the frig.  Would have never thought to offer something like that.  But what a blessing!

Toni had a new puppy that was not great friends with her parents' older dog.  One of their neighbors had heard them comment that they had to find a home for her dog and within 24 hours came to pick up the dog and find it a new home.  The sweet mom and daughter who took the dog home were so excited to finally have a dog of their own.

Those were both "out there" kinds of needs ... but someone listened well, someone thought creatively... and it met BIG needs.

3. When in doubt, bring food ...
We joked last week that all the good Baptists were missing because as family gathered over the weekend ... no one brought food.  And while there were enough of us to manage meals, it was still an added layer of details for the family to have to attend to.  EVERYONE needs to eat.  And lots of stuff freezes ... so do what all the good Baptists do and bring some food.  That's pretty much my answer to everything.  When I don't know what to do, I cook. 

4. Be present.
We all have different abilities.  I'm not much on the sit around and small talk variety ... I am much more comfortable doing something tangible ... that's why I actually like mowing grass.  But we all have a way that we can be present with people who have a need.  Sometimes it's just dropping by and staying as long as we need.  Sometimes it's a text, an email, or a snail mailed card.  Sometimes it's a hot meal.  Sometimes its taking care of a practical need.  One of my parents' friends took the afternoon off work to mow grass for Mom and Dad and Granddad.  This guy has a big time job ... but still saw a need he could fill and did it. 

5. Invest in friendships. 
I cannot imagine the last few months without the amazing friends and family we have.  I am most impressed with the circle of friends my parents have and I am so thankful that they have each other!  They love well.  These are the friends who prepared and served lunch after the funeral.  They didn't leave until everything was washed and put away.  These are the friends who offered up a condo for a weekend getaway when life slowed down.  These are the friends who cleaned house, mowed grass, came to visitation, the funeral, who prayed and emailed and loved.  I am blessed, too, with friends who came to the funeral, who sent cards and texts, who sent flowers and who thought creatively outside the box.

I am overwhelmed by the sweet, thoughtful ways I've seen people love on our family ... and I've been reminded that doing something is the most important part.  I have also seen the places where needs went unmet and am convicted to be a part of "doing something" in the lives of others.  When our lives are too busy to meet the needs around us, something needs to change.  I am good at seeing needs.  But I often wait for just the right way to respond or get too busy ... when there was something I could do.

I am making it my aim to listen and respond, not living a life too busy for it's most important part!