expectations vs. expectancy ...

Soooo many things in my head and heart these days.  Hard to know where to start.

I am in Augusta these three days where part of my life is beginning.  Met with lots of people yesterday who have an investment in BCM here.  That's really exciting.  One of them shared a summer missions take away last night about the difference between expectations and expectancy and I promised I was going to steal it ... and I am!!

I knew this place came with so much work to be done ... so much rebuilding.  I didn't quite grasp that we were starting at the beginning.  I think I envisioned some rebuilding on a foundation  ... but that foundation is more theoretical than real.  And that's ok.  So much easier to start fresh with nothing than to try to "fix" something that exists that is not healthy.  I remember this summer as Gavin and his dad built decks that his most frustrating project was one where they had to remove and old deck and replace it.  It took tons of time to remove the old boards, the old nails, etc. to be able to replace new boards.  They even had to hire someone to help them just to get it all done.  They would have much rather have started from scratch.

So ... scratch is a blessing.  And it's hard.  Mostly, it's hard to start a new school year in a place where I don't know when we will meet, where we will meet, what we will do.  I don't know who will come.  I don't know much.  For a type A, planner, organizer, that's a hard place to be.  And every step that I think I might accomplish depends on about 4 more that I can't control.  I think I'm gonna be learning some lessons here!

But my heart has resonated with the idea of expectancy rather than expectations.  Those pesky expectations get me every time!  Do you realize how much less we would be disappointed, hurt, let down if we didn't have expectations for ourselves or other?  I know we can't live without them, but in this place, for this season, I am going to have to rely, instead, on a sense of expectancy ... expectancy that God is at work and HE is doing SOMETHING ... that sense that while you don't know all the details that you know you are a part of something ... something bigger than yourself, something that you see only pieces of but that you are glad to be a part of.   For me expectancy makes me think of pergnant women ... and that in so many ways is an appropriate image.  You know there is a baby, but the details are a little more vague, even if you know the gender .... and you look with excitement, expectancy, and joy towards the birth of that baby.

While I'm pretty sure that I have no way of laying aside expectations completely, I am trying to dwell, instead, on the expectancy of what God is doing in this new place and time ... and like Mary to ponder and treasure those sweet moments where I get a glimpse of the divine ...