Same Kind of Different

If you haven't read the book, Same Kind of Different as Me, you should.  It's a make you think, make you cry, make you uncomfortable, make you better kind of book.  I read it many years ago and fell immediately in love with the characters as well as the setting because it was set in Ft. Worth where I spent some of the sweetest years of my life.  And not only was it set in Ft. Worth, but it was set in the ghetto of Ft. Worth where I went to church and for the first time, fell in love with inner city kids.  AND, the amazing doctor I subbed for while I was a seminary student, was the surgeon who walked with the main characters through their cancer journey.

I won't spoil the storyline.  But trust me.  Read it.

One of my favorite quotes from the book is from Denver.  It's also the source of the title.

“I found out everybody’s different – the same kind of different as me. We’re all just regular folks walkin down the road God done set in front of us. The truth about it is, whether we is rich or poor or something in between, this earth ain’t no final restin place. So in a way, we is all homeless – just workin our way toward home”    ― Denver Moore

I'll be honest that I've bemoaned the fact, more than once, that high schoolers are just not the same as college students.  AND, the role of a teacher, much different than that of a campus minister.  Someone wiser than me commented to me in the tougher days last fall, "your college kids loved you.  they were easy to be around.  your high schoolers see you as the enemy more days that not."  Yep. (Do you know what Denver would say about that?  “The Word says God don't give us credit for lovin the folks we want to love anyway. No, He gives us credit for loving the unlovable.”)   I would LOVE to have free days and cupcakes and naps every week.  I'd love to just give everyone A's, regardless of what they "earned" ... I'd love to have movie Mondays and no accountability.  But, holy cow.  Not only as I supposed to teach 124929014890 biology standards in 13 weeks (yep, that's about 1239804/week!) but these little darlins' are tested on them in 19 days. 

I miss my college ministry life.  Ok, well, maybe more accurately, I miss my college "kids" ... those three hour lunch dates and the real life, meaningful conversations.  Seeing them "get it" ... and by "it" I don't mean photosynthesis.  Watching dreams come to fruition.  Seeing them "try on" something they were scared to try and watching it fit who God made them to be, beautifully.

My days with my high schoolers aren't like that.  We talk about mitosis, why we can't have a free day (same answer, different day), how old they think I am, how lazy I think they are, how many days we have til EOC, oh and did I mention, why today is not a free day?  I am expected to keep that professional boundary that keeps me from sharing the really important parts of my life - like calling. 

It's hard.

I've struggled quite a bit this year with my role.  I think I had a lot of who I am wrapped up in what I did.  I wasn't defined by a marriage or by motherhood.  I didn't have the struggles and joys of fulfillment in that.  And, so for me, my fulfillment, identity, and life became marked by who I invested in as a campus minister.

And that all changed.  I KNOW this is where God has me for this season.  I LOVE the joys of doing life with my family again - not missing all of the holidays and birthdays, family dinners, impromtu adventures.  And I KNOW God provided, not just this job (there are 1000 reasons I should not have gotten it!) but also this house (while I still own one in GA!).  But, I've struggled to find my "new" place.

And today I was reminded as I walked out to my car, tired, overwhelmed and with hope that no, these 80+ kids I spend every day with are NOT my college kids.  I will not know them on that level, probably.  I will not see their aha moments, often.  Like Denver, they are different.  The same kind of different as me.  We are all just regular folks walking down the road God has put in front of us ... and had God not put me on this road for this season, I would have missed so much.

In just the past week, I've had a student arrested for armed robbery, released on bail, and returned to my classroom.  I got to listen to his story.  I got to extend grace for his choices.  I got to say, "Do not let this define your life.  Do not be famous for a stupid decision you made at 16.  And if you need someone to say nice things about you, I will"

I got to say to another, "Don't judge God by the decisions of people.  Many who profess to follow Him look very little like Him."

And today, I got to encourage a girl who was making probably the hardest and bravest decision of her life, to get out of an abusive relationship.  And I got to remind her that she deserves to be treated with respect as someone of great value.  And I got to say to her, You owe no one an explanation.  But you owe it to yourself to remember the truth.  You are brave.  You are strong.  You have done the right thing.

I may feel some days like my property value has decreased in my new job.  But it is my current act of worship.  Several years ago as I prepared to speak at our worship Gathering, I came across the words of Romans 12:1-2 from the message.  It says ...

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

So, I am taking my everyday ordinary life (a life that's not so bad or boring after all) and lifting it up to the Father as my offering today.