feeling

"Feel thanks and its absolutely impossible to feel angry.  We can only really experience one emotion at a time.  And we get to choose - which emotion do we want to feel?" - Ann Voskamp

It's been a crazy 36 hours.  And I'll admit, the moments of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, disappointed, scared, and yes, even angry have far outnumbered the moments I've felt thankful.  I posted a facebook status yesterday in frustration ... one of those last straw frustration moments that I had a mission trip nightmare, was exhausted and at a loss ... and then, yet again, the construction vehicles across the street had taken liberties with blocking the entire road.  AGAIN.  Did I say, again???  So, I posted my frustrated status to the tune of "Dear Construction Workers, Glad you've decided that Hull is now your personal parking lot. Makes it sooo much easier for the rest of us to drive on the street!"  and I felt better.  Didn't change anything, but I felt better ... and the comments rolled in because everyone is over the tyrrany!  I feel a bit victorious that I finally got them to quit parking in our parking lots after a visit to the superintendant's trailer and threatening to tow vehicles two days later.  SO ... I have some victory, but I have no authority to keep them from blocking every road to BCM.

And about four hours later, I got this message from a friend who is also reading One Thousand Gifts:  you and I are both so bitter about this... Just think, eucharisto! ;)

Cause pretty sure we vent/complain/etc. about the construction at least once a week day.  But today, there was not a lot of feeling eucharisteo.  I went to the office with no idea of where money was gonna come from to make a spring break trip happen at SONAT.  Wasn't FEELING thankful.  Had LOTS of people come into my office needing something a lot less urgent than a spring break trip for $250.  Wasn't FEELING it.  Finally packed up my computer and locked my door and wandered to Panera about 1:30.  Got some soup and some diet coke pepsi.  Really wasn't FEELING that!  Exchanged about 25 emails with key players in this saga.  Feeling pretty anxious.  Not too thrilled with possible alternatives.  Feeling disappointed.  Came home in the sleet thinking God has heard my prayers for a snow day ... but alas, just wet on the pavement.  Not feeling thankful.  At the end of the day I still had no flights ... but had squeezed $27,000 out of a turnip Warren.  Starting to feel a bit more thankful.

This morning.  Still no flight news.  But found lots of eucharisteo hanging out there for the taking:
113. lots of sweet emails and texts from people on the trip and not on the trip saying things like "I'm praying for you."  "thank you."  "we love you."  "God's gonna make a way"
114. remembering in fresh ways why this team is so amazing and how blessed I am to be able to travel with them.
115.  finding $27,000 in our healthcare foundation budget.  God had left it sitting there and we didn't know why til now.  There are about 6 things that contributed to this "slush" and none of them were planned for!
116. having an awesome travel agent who not only works tirelessly, but prays for us as we go.  Love Faye!
117. making it to Friday!!
118. successfully setting up a DVR last night and I am sooooo incredibly excited about it.  It was FREE and I only had to IM with the tech person, not actually talk to them, and for once, miracle of all miracles, a comcast person fixed my problem the FIRST time!!
119. being told I have made a difference in someone's life.  Pretty sure that's priceless
120. doing some cooking for a sweet family who is journeying through cancer ... through to the end.
121. actually sleeping peacefully (without thoughts of cancelled trips and fitful thoughts of not knowing what to do)
122. sleet pellets on the windshied ... and at least dreaming of a snow day
123. warm soup
124. Laura Johnson ... truly one of the best gifts!
125. hope peeking its head up through the dirt like my little sprouts of herbs in my kitchen greenhouse

Now I'm praying God will turn water (no flights) into wine (just what we need).