overwhelmed - part deux

I remember an older, wiser friend telling me once, "If I had to think of brushing my teeth every day for the rest of my life, I'd be overwhelmed!"

Hmmmmmm ... don't you feel like that somedays?  Sometimes even most days?

It just seems to me that it's HARD to think about doing the right things ... every day ... forever!  I can think of running 26 miles ONCE.  I can think of giving up Diet Coke for a day.  I can even forego my Mexican for a week ... maybe.  But to think of any of that everyday ... forever??  YIKES!!

Here's where my thinking begins ...after last weekend's girls' retreat I felt compelled to begin the Daniel fast (with a little modification) on Monday.  Might as well be honest, it was partly because I knew it would help bring discipline to my life and give me a chance to have some focused prayer time last week (which is was GREAT for).  I also was struggling with losing that weight I want am committed to get off before the April mission trip.  I was also impressed and amazed by my friend, Laura's self-discipline to jump into an intense lifestyle diet change with her husband and wondered if I could do it too. 

SOOOO ... Monday came (and aside from limiting myself to two diet cokes ... maybe call it fear, sheer terror, or lack of faith, but I was afraid of the headaches that going cold turkey could bring and I was too tired post-retreat for that drama) ... I was in for the Daniel fast.

And you know what ... I LOVE it!!  I got creative with some meals.  Made homemade whole wheat pita chips that are to die for.  And I lost several pounds.  I was cruising and feeling good about life!  Once Thursday came I had stuck to it to the letter ... Ibut  found myself eating out with students twice in one day ... the big test ... and maintained my Daniel habits ... even got WATER (*sigh*) at CFA!  YAH!  Then, the weekend came ...

I got excited that this could be part of a lifestyle change for me.  Cause let's face it, at 40, pretty sure that I'm not going to ever have an opportunity to forego the exercise and eating right train again!! (*sigh* ... again!)  And then I started thinking ... but will that mean I never eat cheese again?  Mexican (BIG sigh!!)??  And then I made a key lime pie for dessert at Gavin's yesterday ... and oreo truffle footballs for Super Bowl tonight ... and after 6 days with no sugar, I gave in.  And that's when I reallized ... it's not a win/lose thing.  It's about learning to do EVERYTHING in moderation. Isn't that really what it's all about???  All week, I didn't feel deprived ... for the most part, I had what I wanted, but in moderation.  SO, I am back to the Daniel fast (without cheating) in the morning and trying my darndest NOT to use that as an excuse to eat EVERYTHING I can't eat on the fast today. (Super Bowl foods don't really qualify!)

And it's not just that.  Today is our second meeting for our small group.  I honestly have been excited about seeing them women in the group again.  But when today rolled around and I was tired and started thinking ahead to everything in store this week (including the unexpected trip to Thomaston tomorrow for Molly's Mom's funeral) and I got the email telling me the woman bringing drinks wasn't coming (and that meant I had to make it to the store AND small group) and the Super Bowl is on ... well, since I'm being honest, I just didn't want to go.  Cause I'm lazy ... and if I wasn't leading it, the temptation to just not go would have probably been too great!

I mean, if I do everything I should do to be healthy, disciplined, a good daughter, good campus minister, good friend, returned all the emails, called everyone I want to keep in touch with, wrote letters and thank you notes more often ... even just those that I really want to do ...I'm gonna go crazy!! CA-RRAAAAA-ZEEE!!!  But, if I don't start somewhere, set some goals, make some plans ... I'm never going to do ANY of it!

These verses came to mind this week as I've been fasting ...

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

(I Cor. 10:23-24)

I think that's what this has come down to for me this week.  Telling myself I can't have sugar (heavenforbid) EVER, or that I will never drink another diet coke or eat yummy white cheese dip at a hole in the wall Mexican place, or that I have to run 5 miles 6 days a week and get rid of all my TVS ... will just set me up to fail!!  There are sooooo many things in life that are permissible (not illegal, immoral or wrong!!) ... but many of those things are not healthy and beneficial in my life.  And just as there are habits that aren't great in excess (TV, food, diet coke) ... I think it is equally unhealthy to set up legalistic boundaries for my life that tell me I can NEVER have any .... or that I ALWAYS have to do something ... does that make sense???  Things done in moderation are those which are done best!  (Pretty sure I have a genetic predisposition to NOT do things in moderation, though!)

Last week when I started the Daniel fast, I made the commitment to do it for a week.  I did GREAT until this weekend ... but even when I failed, I didn't quit.  I've done GREAT limiting my diet cokes ... without headaches ... and I am about to get off my couch, go get drinks for small group and head over for that.  I actually DID get in 6 days of walking (MORE than my 4 day goal) and have enjoyed every minute of my walk through Joshua with the Israelites and my sharing life with you guys here in this "community" of sorts.

SOOOOOOO ... Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this, my Mama said ...

And tomorrow, I will start fresh with a second week of the Daniel fast (even with Valentines goodness) ... start fresh to get in 4 days of 3 mile runs, march forward with Joshua, weigh in for Biggest Loser, and make my heart cake and have some sweet friends over for dinner next weekend!