I lost it.

First of all, thanks for the encouragement that I am not the only one who battles the quest for grace.  It would be wonderful if we could compartmentalize our lives so that what affects one area doesn't affect others ... but at least as women, we aren't so good at it. 

The prayers of faithful friends made for Friday to be a much better day in the grace department ... and brought me HOME where I had longed to be for the past four days.

I'm glad to report that I am just gonna be cooking until ONE of us feels better ...

tally to date: chicken n dumplings, lima beans, blueberry muffins, strawberry fluff, banana pudding (all low fat), homemade chicken noodle soup ... yes, I am a good old Baptist girl who, when all else fails, cooks!

Gavin is well on his way to recovering, although I think he expected to wake up Thursday a new man ... and finding NEW aches and pains was a LOT discouraged.  I love that he is resting and enjoying some time with his folks and so thankful that he is finally on the way to being "well" again!   Thanks for the prayers these last few weeks!

On another note, I think I mentioned that I'm reading Primal by Mark Batterson.

Yes, my name is Karen and I am a Mark Batterson junkie.  There ARE worse things, right?

I had been thinking/looking for a book to have my Mexico med team read in preparation and this one just happened to be on clearance for $3 ... uh, I can read the signs.

And, as usual, I am sucked in!  Mark Batterson takes truth and speaks it in my language.

The premise of Primal is that there is prime truth (truth which is indivisible) and chiefly, that is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.  He goes on to say that we have soul of Christianity and we've lost it.

I agree.  At least it's true in my life so often.

So, the rest of the book explores a new look at the primal elements of the great commandment:
Love the Lord with all your heart: primal compassion
all your soul: primal wonder
all your mind: primal curiosity
and all your strength: primal energy

So, if we've lost the soul of Christianity, how do we regain it.  MB says we start by looking back ... looking back to when we last had it.  Hmmmmm ... sounds reasonable to me.

I think I know where I lost my soul ... and it was in serving God.  I had a lot more passion for His word before it was my job.  I had a lot more compassion for people when I wasn't expected to.  I had a lot more time for being with Him when I wasn't "working" for Him.  Ministry is hard. And I've seen some ugly parts of it this last year.  In trying to protect and preserve myself, I lost my soul (or at least part of it).

So, where to go ... back to the sweet days of a new relationship.  Back to the days when I was closest to God.  Back to the days when I could not get enough of Him.

I remember going back to seminary a few years after I graduated to do a girl's retreat for my sweet friends at FBC Fairfield.  I had spent some of my sweetest days of seminary walking that campus with their youth minister's wife, Erin.  I took a couple of friends with me to lead music.  They had not gone to seminary at Southwestern and one of them asked me as we pulled onto campus what it was like to be back on campus.  I thought for a minute ... and then I said, I don't really have anything to compare it to because no one has ever proposed to me.  But coming back here this weekend feels like going back to the place where I got engaged.  There was such a sweetness to my relationship with God in those days.  He romanced my heart here on this campus, walking, praying, living here.  It holds such precious memories for me. 

THAT is the kind of place we need to go to regain our soul.

Mark asks ...
Is there a place where you met God and He met you?
A place where your heart broke with compassion?
A place where your heart was filled with wonder?
A place where you were energized with a God ordained dream?

He contends THIS is where the quest for the lost soul of Christianity begins.

For me, some of those places are:
- the prayer days I took when I worked in Texas.  My favorite place to go was a park down by my house.  I'd cover a picnic table in books and notes ... walk around the trail some ... enjoy being outside and praying, studying, and renewing myself.

- days I've spent walking, talking, and praying with friends

- reading at the beach

- hiking in the mountains

 - prayerwalking in a conversation with God

Going to revisit some of those special places in the next few months in prayer that God will help me return to the place where I last felt close to Him!