And then today happened ... and seriously, I could not more identify with Paul's words (via the message) ...
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. (Romasn 7:18-20 Msg)
Cause you know what??? Being good and doing the right thing. all the time. it's hard!!! Seriously. I had a friend one day respond to a question ... and she said, "If I had to even think of brushing my teeth everyday for the rest of my life, it would be overwhelming!!" Amen, sista!!
Cause in my smugness, I was thinking I had this down. I WANT to be healthy. I WANT to grow. I WANT to be intentional and involved in peoples' lives. I WANT to do all of those things. I was actually talking to my friend, Sarah about that today (as I was TRYING to enjoy those baked lays when I was really coveting the french fries!!) about all of the things we would like to do ... and we laughed as we reeled off the list of things we were gonna do when we got home from work each day and realized it was gonna be MIDNIGHT when we got done doing all of those things everyday, and that was on the days we actually went home on time. Dang, it's hard.
And you know ... it was the first day back at work. And I was there til almost 7 ... and really, the to-do list is ridiculously long (cause now I remember walking out in December saying I'd deal with it all when I got back) ... and you know, I made some healthy choices ... maybe just not ALL healthy. And I came home and don't want to exercise, but I can CHOOSE to get up and still get in a little. And I DID have a quiet time and I am reading something of value before bed instead of just wasting time. I am TRYING ... and I guess that's the important thing in this ... that's why I wanted to keep this goal thing simple ... because I think I am an all or nothing person ... I am all IN or I am ALL out! And even when I do the things I DON'T want to do ... or I DON'T do the things I want to do ... well, you know, I keep on keeping on.
So, I'm gonna put down the computer and get on the treadmill and watch the Hogs play (WOOO PIG SOOIE!) and read a little before bed ... and start this again tomorrow ... maybe with one less diet coke! :-)
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