Brave Day #10: hard things ...

I guess they're not really hard things ... they are just those things that I am unsure about so I keep putting off ...  Does anyone else do that?  Things like having repairs done - car, lawnmower, house ... I don't want someone to tell me how to handle it, I want them to do it for me.  The feeling I get about things I really don't know what to do with is almost paralyzing.  I don't know what to do so I often do nothing. 

I remember once, my riding lawnmower was down.  I looked at the belts and stuff and could not determine the likely culprit so I called Gavin.  And if you know me much, you know that it takes a lot for me to ask for help.  But this time, I was asking for help.  So, I called and told him what it was doing and he informed me a. I knew more about riding lawnmowers than he did since he didn't have one (not likely) and b. that I needed to find a belt diagram online and see if it was correct.  Hmmmmmm ... really??!!  My heart is screaming, "but I just want you to figure it out for me" ... and my mouth is saying, "I don't know how to do that" ... and a few tears later he came over to determine that indeed, he didn't know anything about lawnmowers either!  :-)  But at least he came.

I am so stinking afraid of the unknown. I can remember bargaining with my mom to make appointments for me or to make phone calls ... I hate not knowing what I'm getting myself into!  Obviously, I didn't get to be 41 and single without figuring out how to do things on my own, but I still don't like it.

And I feel like I'm on one big long spiral into things I don't really know what to do with and feel ill-equipped to figure out: restarting the BCMs in Augusta, renting my house (how many nights is that gonna keep me awake), making financial decisions, figuring out insurance and which doctors are covered (and I mean, I have two college degrees and I struggle with all of that), what cars to buy, where to rent in Augusta, what to stoe, what things I can fix.  It was a MAJOR feat for me this summer too fix/replace the drawer that had been missing in my bathroom for 6 years.  It took many wasted trips, but I eventually got it done and was pretty proud of myself!

So, today's brave thing is that I am meeting with a realtor from my church who also does rental property management to talk to him about renting my house.  I am a little lot fearful.  I know I don't need to be.  I can be wise, but I need to trust the Provider, not in the provision.  Trust me, I've rehearsed all of those mantras for all the hours I did not sleep last night.  Being a "grown up" can be scary sometimes! 

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.

~Raymond Lindquist