gasp.
I'm not so sure I can do it.
Call it people pleasing. Call it fear. Call it type A personality.
If there's a rule in play, I'm probably gonna follow it. Afraid if I don't, I will be found out for the fraud that I am.
Anybody else with me?
I mean, I walked into Starbucks for a meeting today and there were no seats ... and gale force winds outside ... and one of their employees was sprawled across a whole table ... I silently had a not-so-nice conversation in my head about how she should give up her table and get back to work. There should be a rule against that, right? I follow the instructions, read all the emails for work, park in my designated area, dot my i's and cross my t's.
Still reading Grace for the Good Girl (remember, only a little at a time because it is too much for my little good girl heart to handle ... I mean, it's almost like finding out there is no Santa ... to hear that my good girl tendencies are not all that they're cracked up to be!)
Pretty sure that following the rules was the issue with the older brother in the prodigal son story. Pretty sure that HIS response to the Father was just as wrong (if not more) than the younger brother. But, but, wait ... he did everything the Father asked. He was the good one ... yup! But he did it to win the Father's love ... and nothing he DID could do that. He already had it.
It's that "fair" thing ... I want others to get what they deserve! I want what I deserve ... I am the GOOD girl, afterall! Uh, wait ... well, I want what I deserve when it is good. And I never, ever, ever want to get caught doing something wrong or bad ... or failing! Since I tend to be honest here, here you go ... a couple of Sundays ago, I was driving to church when the thought occurred to me, I don't think I put on mascara this morning. Looked in the rear view mirror and sure enough ... I didn't. Hmmmm ... what to do. If I didn't have blond eye lashes, MAYBE I wouldn't be so vain ... but nope, I was so worried about what people would think that I stopped at CVS and put my mascara on in the car on the way to church. Seriously??!!
Being brave means I can walk into church without mascara ... or masks for that matter.
It means I can give up being perfect.
It means I stop playing by the rules trying to please
It means I quit thinking I deserve anything.
It means I realize I've got nothing apart from Christ ... and that He is more than enough
I will never be good enough ... and that's just the point. I can't.
I am ok with failing.
I can be honest about my faults.
Who I am is not based on what I do. The only identity that matters is that I have in Christ.
I can stop wondering what people think of me. They probably have better things to worry about anyway.
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