I read this quote today and it really resonated with one of the things I think we struggle with most ... not being real about who we are.
Social media has compounded this by about 2000%. Everyone is their own version of reality these days. You see what I want you to see, with the best filters and most positive spin possible ... and by that, I mean, the one that makes you want my life most. :-)
I can remember one day about ten years ago when I was new back into campus ministry. I was in far, far west Texas on a campus by myself ... and some days it felt pretty isolated. It was a junior college ... and honestly, I'm not even sure I knew what that was until I landed this job ... and understanding junior college mentality and learning west Texas culture (did I mention I was alone??) was quite the learning curve. I was part of a cohort of 5 other BCM directors in their first or second year in the job. And I loved those guys! We had a chat room meeting one day ... and I remember we talked a good bit about running ... and a little bit about ministry when our boss logged in! :-) I left that conversation feeling like a failure.
A few weeks later, my mentor was on campus and we were talking about how things were going and I mentioned that I just didn't think I/this ministry measured up to the success everyone else was having. He laughed. I didn't. His response was, "They are not telling you everything. They are only telling you the good stuff."
And that's what happens every day on facebook, instagram, twitter ... and even on a ton of blogs. We are only talking about the good stuff. Not gonna lie, I'm tempted to defriend my elementary teacher friends this time of year when they start hauling in the loot they get from all of their darling kids when my reality is my kids complaining about the kind of candy I gave them as a treat. We post the gifts we get from our significant others ... along with every manner of sappy status about how awesome they are. We post flattering wedding, baby, and vacation pics. We highlight the awesome places we've been. We post our biggest successes ...
None of that alone is bad. Really, it's not! I DO wanna see those cute kids ... But, what else does that do? It makes everyone think our life is a lot better than it really is because we have selective glimpses into life. We become unapproachable ... and we leave people wondering "Am I the only one?"
I don't think we mean to ... but inadvertently, we hide the less glamorous parts of our lives, the struggles, the reality, and sometimes, because of that, we even push people away ... because it looks like we have no cares, no struggles, and our life is sunshine and rainbows (and cute kids and dogs)
I remember having a conversation with a friend one day who was debating ditching facebook (I mean, don't we all, almost weekly??) She said it was just not good for her heart to see what others had and were doing. And I kind of laughed to myself how many people thought that about her life. Social media has not only skewed our story ... it's also created lots of comparison and competition that we wouldn't have otherwise been so common.
I think one of the biggest places we fail in living a missional life is in being so concerned with our image that we miss opportunities to use our failures and struggles for kingdom purposes. We are afraid to let on that being a mom was harder than we had thought. We fail to pass on that adjusting to that first job is not really the stuff sitcoms are make of. We don't want others to know that we are struggling with our marriage ... I mean, really struggling. We don't want to let someone in on the depression that we're feeling. Instead, we post pictures of us in our skinnier days ... and spin the fact that a kid just threw up on us and we are about 5 seconds from losing it into a witty status.
However, when we are open and honest with our lives, we leave room for new relationships. We LOVE people who are real. We finally feel like we've found "our person." That's why I laugh out loud when I read Jen Hatmaker's facebook status or blog. She's not afraid to let us in on the bad and ugly part along with the good. When I first moved to Augusta, I met another new campus minister at the organizational fair. To say I was struggling was an understatement. I'm pretty sure I was on Callie's couch in tears less than three hours later. In talking about family, we realized that his wife and I had some things in common. We met for coffee later that week and being open about our struggles (instead of competing or "saving face") was the start of a sweet friendship. That friendship was forged, not in a common ministry, but in a common struggle. How many other things in life could be the same?
I'm pretty sure social media is not the best place to share the struggle ... as a matter of fact, complaining about everything is a sure fire way for me to "defriend" you ... but opening ourselves up to others with the reality of who we are and where we struggle is a surefire way to make a difference. Who needs to hear your "real" story today?
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