Gloom, despair ...

and agony on me.

Deep, dark depression, excessive misery.

If it weren't for bad luck,  I'd have no luck at all.

Gloom, despair, and agony on me.

In case you've forgotten (or never known) the beauty of HeeHaw, here you go:

For the love ... I feel like this should just be playing when class starts.  There was some serious complaining about everything today.  Did I not just write this entry last week.

I wish I could say that I have a heat of steel and that their comments and constant complaining don't get to me.  But y'all.  There's some power in them there words.  And I am brought to the fresh realization that mine carry equal power to encourage and build up or to defeat and tear down.  And I know, I've torn down some in frustration and even anger.

And then I got home and read this by Ann Voskamp.  And YES!!  Just YES!!!

"These days have more than enough Jesus - if I can see ...

Perspective can always adopt gratitude - and gratitude always parents joy."

I was thinking today how I wished that I was steady and calm, unflappable, never bothered, just the same, regardless of the circumstances.  Instead, just like my kids, I start fresh, and even excited, most days, but by the time last block rolls around, I am beat.  Beat down.  Beat up.  Just plain beat.  Like could take a nap right there in the floor.

When I was doing campus ministry, I learned I needed task time.  The introvert in me just deflates like a tire with a hole in it when I am constantly needed.  Even if what I am doing is good and I enjoy it, I just feel picked at when it's all said and done - like all I am left is some scraps.  And friends,in  teaching, I hear my name 102390234 times an hour.  I told my last block today, "My tolerance for neediness, entitlement, and complaining is at its max.  I just need you to get it done."  Was it their fault.  Nope.  But I was at my end.  And you know what, they finally settled in and got it done ... and might have even mentioned it wasn't that bad.

There's not enough of me for it.  I am weak and tired and weary.  I get angry.  I lose heart.  I lose my temper.  But in those times, there's MORE than enough Jesus ... if I can adopt gratitude and find joy.

How can I model gratitude in my class?  How can I teach my students to count gifts?  How can we infuse a big old dose of joy into the days we have left?

"We work on seeing lessons - lessons in perspective, me, the most in need of remedial help..."